January 28, 2011
January 27, 2011
Watch this...Boondock Saints
Every man must watch this movie! Never has there been a movie that kicked this much ass and been ignored by the general public! This movie has absolutely every thing you could want in a movie
Gangsters...check
Stuttering bartender...check
Irish catholic hitmen...check
Ron Jeremy...check
Willem Dafoe in drag...check
This movie has EVERYTHING! This movie tells the story of two Irish-American brothers who believe that God has sent them to assassinate all the gangsters in Boston. throughout the movie, they are also trying to stay away from Willem Daffoe...a homophobic homosexual detective who agrees with the "saints"
if you want to watch an ass-kicking movie with numerous unforgetable killing scenes... this is a must
flush out
Another unnecessary sequel...Little Fockers
Why does Hollywood think that it is necessary to make movies in threes? over the last few years, Hollywood has shat out numerous amounts of trilogies. However, for every Return of the Jedi, there has been dozens of Matrix: Revolutions…terrible movies that never should have been made
While there are plenty of bad sequels, none of these movies compare to the level of shit I had to endure while watching Little Fockers.
First, let me talk about the good things:
- Jessica Alba in a dress
- Deniro has a heart attack
- Jessica Alba in lingerie
- It ended the trilogy
That’s it. The rest of the movie was absolute shit. Throughout the movie, I wished I could cap Deniro’s ass to ensure that this horrible piece of work would finally end!
the movie is a heaping pile of shit from the start. the movie opens up with Ben Stiller’s pathetic character inserting a catheter up a man’s ass… a lame attempt to grab some toilet humour…the rest of the movie revolves around boners, affairs, and me wishing I spent my $15 on a gun to end my misery!
Never have I watched a movie that regurgitated the same old jokes as often as this sad excuse for entertainment. Hey Paul Weitz, ”I’m watching you” andcircle of trust was funny the first time I heard it… I didn’t need two other movies to appreciate its comedic value…
and how do you make Jessica Alba annoying? I wanted her to die! I didn’t care how, I just wanted her to face death!
Just thinking about how shit this movie was is really pissing me off! They should have renamed this flick Focking Retards.
Flush out
January 26, 2011
I farted! you're welcome
Women, this post is for you. Shut up! I am sick and tired of listening to women complain about how masculine we are! Our farts smell, our shirts are dirty, are jeans are old…. seriously… we get it!
Yesterday I was lying on my lit d’amour when my concubine decided to open her wailing mouth and scream: “OH MY GOD! YOU ARE SO STINKY!!! YOU FARTED!” After backhanding some discipline into her, I informed her that I had not suffered from some anal leakage. I then continued with my orgasmic love making.
Why the hell do women think it is completely fine to infinitely screech about how disgusting we are when we burp or fart? is it so hard to believe that we have the same bodily functions as you do. the fact that we have a penis only gives us the confidence to do this in public! when I burp or fart, I make sure they are of the finest quality to displease as many people as possible! I break down my farts like a fine wine… robust weight, with hints of oak, broccoli, and egg.
the thing that kills me is who are they to speak! Firstly, your farts stink worse than ours! you think that by going to the washroom to let out a toot is going to eliminate it’s smell! I can go in there 30 minutes later, and I will tell you that your leakage is rancid!
secondly, all women are minions of Satan! how can I trust anything that bleeds for seven days and refuses to die! while this is disgusting, your attitude is revolting! you women become possessed with the strength of a great bitch who has not been laid for over an era.
This is a prime example of how feminism has gone too far! We have a disgusting double-standard in our society. Women are allowed to flatulate and bleed, and us men are expected to find that endearing or cute! fuck that shit! You are gross and a grand bitch! just shut up and leave the farting and burping to us. We know how it’s done
flush out
January 25, 2011
Sean Connery is the real James Bond
When I imagine the ultimate man, the first person that comes to mind is, myself James “Mother Fucking” Bond - A suave killer who is able to save the world while seducing hundreds of women. Over the years, one actor and five pussies have had the honour of playing this great man; however, only one has gotten it right…
Sean Connery!
Connery’s Bond was awesome! his Bond was a sexist, misogynistic drunk that had little sympathy for his actions! Exactly what Bond should be! If a bitch got out of line, Sean’s Bond wasn’t afraid to teach her a well deserved lesson.
George Lazenby
“Hey guys, I have this great idea for our new Bond! Instead of a British citizen, let’s get an Australian! and instead of an actor, let us get a male model who has only done one commercial! This is going to be great!”
Roger Moore
I do not know how it is possible to have Jaws and Oddjob as enemies and to still create some of the Worst movies in the history of mankind
Timothy Dalton
Dalton is a great bond…if it were a show on broadway! seriously dude… you need to relax with the over acting!
Pierce Brosnan
How could a man start so well, almost destroy one of the greatest movie franchises! This guy was so shit that he got fired. Maybe if he lifted some weights I could take him seriously! seriously, I think my sister could kick you ass… and she is a giant pussy
Daniel Craig
Quantum of Solace sucked because:
1) The bad guy’s name is elvis
2) the bad boss looks like Marc Anthony if he had leukemia. yet, he still puts up a huge fight against the juiced Craig…. what a pussy
3) The evil plan was to steal……WATER!!!
4) it is set in Bolivia….Where the fuck is Bolivia people (yes I know it is in South America…)
5)it has a stupid title
6)the fight scenes! how the fuck did that skinny twat kill the Bolivian military leader! Seriously… you kill people for a living! how could you let this slag defeat you! if I was in your position, I would have broken her jaw with a left hook and followed up with a ball kick directly to her ovaries, baring her from bearing any children! That would serve her a lesson for avenging her parents’ deaths! maybe you should have taken some advice from Sean Connery…
Flush out
for some reason, the rest didn’t save! so shit!
"Hey Asshole, your Italian is shit! Speak English."
This evening my friends and I decided to go to a local cafe-bar to waste a few hours of our precious youth. Like most Italian bars in my area, it is filled to the tits with cock! 18 bodies and the only set of breasts I see are a droopy set of B-cups on an old hag that is 20 years past her prime. As the night progressed, we notice a table beside us is engaged in a riveting Italian conversation about night clubs in Toronto coming out of two semi-retarded, Ed Hardy wearing dickwads…..
Bro #1: “Allors bro, which discoteca ti piaci”
Bro #2: “Brooooo, i clubi sono merda ca in Toronto”
Translation: Fuck you
Hey Asshole, your Italian is shit! Speak English. Whether you like it or not, you are Canadian…act that way! Do you think that speaking this way is going to make you look more distinguished? I doubt it! Maybe you should lay off the GTL and invest in some language classes so that you may see how fucking pathetic you truly are!
take your Italian and translate this,
“secondo me, siete tutti omosessuali.”
Ti odio
Flush out
January 23, 2011
I hate you....Sis
I hate my fucking sister…
Just when I thought I had some alone time on my throne, my sister decided to bust my balls! I hate this bitch
my sister is a college-educated unemployed photographer, or as she wants to be called, an economically inspired artist. I still hate my parents for not aborting her!
Each morning I wake up and imagine how amazing it would be to kick her in the heart. No Van Damme kick, just a p90x inspired ball kick to her chest that would kill her. I know she would die because she is a huge pussy.
As I am having breakfast, I hear an obnoxious yell from upstairs, “SHUT THE LIGHTS!!!!YOU HAVE NO RESPECT!!!!” Thank you sis for teaching me the connection between global warming and mutual respect. Before I can react, the bitch shows up and starts crticizing me for whatever reason her whiterd vagina comes up with!
I hate her. One time, my younger brother accidentally kicked her in the face and she broke her nose…it was the happiest day of my life. If I had it my way, I would put her and all her hippi loving friends in a human-centipede so that they can actually eat their own shit!
anyways, I am done
Flush out
Thought of the day...What happened to H&M?
What the hell happened to H&M? Years ago I could have gone into the store and found an abundance of trendy clothing at an affordable price. Merino wool sweaters for $30.00, jackets for $100, suits for under $500! H&M was my store and I loved it!
Today, H&M has created a clothing line that competes with the likes of International Clothiers! The quality? atrocious! The style? confusing! The cut? far too lean! I’m now stuck and forced to shop at Zara….who I must say is following the shitty clothing trend lately!
I need a new store to shop… these places are shit!
Thought of the day...Andrea Bocelli...
is there a chance that he may be exaggerating his blindness to get “pity fans”…
just a thought
Genesis
Hello all,
In the beginning it was good… Welcome to my throne! This blog is entirely written while on the john for people who love to read while they are on theirs. I am a man that appreciates the finer things in life: a full-bodied Chianti, a medium-rare Kobe rib-eye, a pair of c-cup breasts on an over-dressed, undereducated wench… However, I find the most joy in my life while I am alone on my can. During my time in the loo, I am able to relieve myself not only physically, but also psychologically. Most of my plans and ideas are usually constructed during this time.
I will use this blog to document my thoughts and amuse myself. Will this bring my fame and riches beyond my wildest dreams… I doubt it! But I do hope that it is entertaining and fun.
Wish me luck
Flush out
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