4 Types People That Should Seriously Consider Suicide

For every hero this world has, there are another thousand assholes that truly deserve a horse to take their anal virginity.  Here are 5 people that should seriously consider taking a roman bath.

1. the Self-Depreciating-Rich-White-College-Educated Obama/Occupy Wall Street/Socialist Activists

A Pioneer

A new wave of activist has swept upon the many college and university students throughout our nation. Many of the social and anti-poverty movements that have sprung up over the last few years have been led by rich white youths who feel guilty for their luck and prosperity.  Due to this form of "rich-guilt", many of these privileged individuals chose to live a lifestyle that can be considered a lie.   These individuals will lie about where they come from, and spend a great deal of money to look poor.

Also, these people not only participate in these movements, but they also take great lengths at having their contributions recognized amongst their friends.  These people are more than happy to tell stories about their participation and often exaggerate their role to feel more important in an event that they believe will be a part of history.

Daddy, were you shitting in the park too?

Suicide method: While  technically fighting against him, daddy still has control in their lives and they must respect that.  These people are looking for a death that is painless, will leave a beautiful corpse, and will maintain their family's honour.

Verdict: Roman Bath

2. the Self-Depreciating-Rich-White-College-Educated Obama/Occupy Wall Street/Socialist Activists....who uses big words for no reason.

This person is similar to the previous asshole; however, where the first asshole suffered from rich-guilt, this one suffers from a short attention span, and a small IQ.  To hide the fact that he does not know what the hell he or she is talking about, he will use "smart" words to confuse you into thinking he is a genius.   I DEDUCE that this guy does not have the GUMPTION to admit that he suffers from a TRIFLING INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY.... HEGEMONY PRETENTIOUS EXPLOITATIONAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..........!!!every moment I live is agony!

Suicide method: This person suffers from the same DILEMMA as the previous asshole; daddy still has control in their lives and they must respect that.  These people are also looking for a death that is painless, will leave a beautiful corpse, and will maintain their family's honour; however, their low IQ will actually cause an accidental DEMISE

Verdict: Sleeping pill overdose

3. People that like Rogers

Seriously...fuck you

Suicide method: You are a person that doesn't mind getting fucked in the ass!  a violent and destructive death is what you deserve.

Verdict: Alla-Cobain

4. People that only buy Apple

I understand that certain people build a  relationship with a company that they have used and are happy with, but the relationship between Apple and it's fans is down right disgusting.  these people have become drones for this company and are willing to purchase whatever product they make-  they are weak and have no opinion of their own.  These people also suffer from inability to hold a conversation that does not involve their apple product of phone.  

Suicide method: You are a person that finds beauty in symmetry and balance.  You will value a death that brings the illusion of pain and suffering, but also brings a sense of peace to a room...like becoming a piece of furniture.

Verdict: Self-hanging

Flush out